Being the writing/reading/language enthusiast that I am, word choice means a lot to me. As I was praying this morning, I was listening to a playlist of some worships songs that I really love. I was trying to pay attention to the words, today, instead of getting swept away in the music. The overwhelming theme I found was that God is sure of Himself, and that means we as His children, can be comfortably sure of Him.
There is this realization I keep coming to lately in prayer, and that is that God did not make things tough for us. Life can be tough, but God didn't make it that way. (In fact, He made it perfect for us, in Eden.) Recently, I had the pleasure of speaking with a priest about this quandary on my heart of why life is difficult if God wants us to be happy. I'd had a really bad day, and I was trying to see God's hand working in it. For most of the things in the day - an unexpected 2 hour car ride, people flying into the wrong airport in the wrong city, a broken washing machine, and the like - I could come up with my own reason and tie it back to some lesson God wanted me to learn, like patience or flexibility. But there was one thing bugging me. I had broken my toenails. An unfortunate meeting of my flip flops with a very heavy door was to blame, and I asked the priest in frustration, "I get the other stuff, the real trials with real lessons...but honestly, why break my toenails? What lesson was there? It just made me mad." The priest smiled and explained to me that there is a big difference between what God does and what God allows. God doesn't strike people down, but He allows them to fall. I think there could be many reasons for that, but the one I am reflecting on today is that God wants us to let Him care for us.
Life can be really difficult and trying at times, and it makes me
wonder how I'm ever supposed to find God in the midst of all this noise,
but what I'm finding more and more as I explore scripture, is that
there is an answer for my questions. The Bible really is a guide to
life.
There is a verse in Corinthians that says this:
" No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be
tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide
the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." (1 Cor 10:13)
Basically, God understands that we're going to have it rough, but He will lovingly provide answers whenever we're willing to listen. It reminds me of my relationship with my mother. She's been my age, she's grown up and learned life lessons. She knows, to an extent, what lies ahead of me as I enter into what it means to be an adult. But she wants me to grow on my own, so she'll let me figure things out and we both know that when I come across a problem I just can't handle, she'll be there with the answer, waiting to help me with open arms.
And here's the best part, which is what the music was speaking to me today. God's way is absolute; there are no ifs, ands, or buts. And that's what I was hearing in these songs - just one absolute after another. God will provide always. God never lets go. He always comes through. Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). There is no "sometimes" or an addendum that says, "...if you do such-and-such thing for Him." My friend Luke recently spoke at a retreat I was on staff for, and he said, of prayer, that we fall into a trap of thinking we need to earn God's love, so we try to make our prayers something great and wonderful and wordy, when in actuality, we do not have to qualify ourselves to get His love. We've already got it and nothing in the world will ever change that.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The Upper Room
Last weekend at mass, the reading was the story of Jesus coming into the upper room, where the disciples are hiding, to give them peace. (John 20:19-23, for reference's sake). My immediate thought, and the one I have been mulling over ever since is what is my Upper Room? What walls in my heart, or in my life, really, am I hiding behind? As far as the disciples knew, they were safe hiding there - no one knew they were there and no one could get through their locked door. And that's exactly how I feel sometimes; I have this feeling or this pain that I keep to myself and I think, 'No one can see this. I can definitely lock this away and no one will even know it's here.' I think for me, it is my fear. I am afraid a lot of the time of a lot of different things, but I make an effort to lock that door and keep anyone, and any peace, out. So there were two conclusions I came to, thinking about this so much: 1) That I do hide things; sometimes without realizing it. I keep myself busy from task to task and doing all of the things I think God wants of me, that I so often forget that there are things in the depths of my heart that need to be cared for. Which brings me to conclusion number 2, the more wonderful of the two: That God can defeat any obstacles I have (it says so, John 16:33), and He can and will bring peace into my heart, even in the deepest rooms where I hide things like my fear.
This idea isn't much yet, I am just sharing some musings 'aloud'. It's just a work in progress - much like we are.
This idea isn't much yet, I am just sharing some musings 'aloud'. It's just a work in progress - much like we are.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Live Like You're Dying
This particular idea has been on my heart for a few weeks but I haven't had a chance to sit down and write it! Mostly, it started in my fantastic & absurd literature course. We were reading this book called Death With Interruptions by Jose Saramago (it's a terrific read). The premise is that death (a woman who spells her name with a lowercase 'd') decides she wants to take Death (the actual event of dying) away so that people learn to appreciate what it means to die and not fear or detest her for taking their lives. In the novel, a society of people has to learn how to deal with people who are injured, sick, or dying - none of whom can actually pass to the next life. When death returns from her experiment, she apologizes for the uproar she causes, and as repayment, vows that she will send everyone a letter one week before their death so that they may have time to get their affairs in order.
It begged the question, would we want a letter a week before our death - essentially, would we want to know we only had one week left? Overwhelmingly, my discussion group said "yes". The reasoning was so that they could say their goodbyes, make amends with enemies, and let bygones be bygones with everyone in their life. The idea got me thinking about a country song my mom and I used to listen to when I was younger; the lyrics talk about a man who urges another man to live each day like he were dying - to skydive and climb mountains and do fun things. The last lyric of the chorus is "I gave forgiveness I'd been denying...someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dyin'".
To my group, I said, "This all sounds good in theory, but the reality is, we are all dying right now and we know it, but we aren't doing any of these things. Why would a time limit change us?" I understand why a set number of days would change the hearts, but after a lot of meditation on this, I can't help but wonder why wait until you are dying to make peace with your life and the people in it? I want to be able to lead a life that is the best I can be and do all the time. I want to live in such a way that if someone told me I only had a few months, weeks, or days left, I would not have to, or want to, change to thing. It may be a little cliche that the best I can come up with is to tell the people you love that you love them daily, and to forgive people who have done you wrong because, after all, we all make mistakes, and to thank God for all days, even the bad ones, because we learn something from all of them and He gave them to us with a purpose. It may be cliche, but personally, I still find myself forgetting to do those things that seem so simple in theory. I want to be at peace with the life I am living.
I think that with Lent ending and Easter just a two days away, my goal is going to be that I am aware of Jesus' Resurrection and presence in the world I live in right now, not just the one He rose in 2000 years ago, and to emulate that peace in my life.
Romans 12:18 "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."
It begged the question, would we want a letter a week before our death - essentially, would we want to know we only had one week left? Overwhelmingly, my discussion group said "yes". The reasoning was so that they could say their goodbyes, make amends with enemies, and let bygones be bygones with everyone in their life. The idea got me thinking about a country song my mom and I used to listen to when I was younger; the lyrics talk about a man who urges another man to live each day like he were dying - to skydive and climb mountains and do fun things. The last lyric of the chorus is "I gave forgiveness I'd been denying...someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dyin'".
To my group, I said, "This all sounds good in theory, but the reality is, we are all dying right now and we know it, but we aren't doing any of these things. Why would a time limit change us?" I understand why a set number of days would change the hearts, but after a lot of meditation on this, I can't help but wonder why wait until you are dying to make peace with your life and the people in it? I want to be able to lead a life that is the best I can be and do all the time. I want to live in such a way that if someone told me I only had a few months, weeks, or days left, I would not have to, or want to, change to thing. It may be a little cliche that the best I can come up with is to tell the people you love that you love them daily, and to forgive people who have done you wrong because, after all, we all make mistakes, and to thank God for all days, even the bad ones, because we learn something from all of them and He gave them to us with a purpose. It may be cliche, but personally, I still find myself forgetting to do those things that seem so simple in theory. I want to be at peace with the life I am living.
I think that with Lent ending and Easter just a two days away, my goal is going to be that I am aware of Jesus' Resurrection and presence in the world I live in right now, not just the one He rose in 2000 years ago, and to emulate that peace in my life.
Romans 12:18 "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
We Will Rise Again From Ashes
Happy Ash Wednesday, all!
Here's why Lent is amazing: Every single day of the year, we should hear and respond to God's call to be closer to Him, but during Lent, we are called to take on His sacrifice in a more personal and devout way. God says there is a time for everything (It's in Ecclesiastes 3, which is also the same place we find "All came from dust and to dust it shall return") and Lent is the time to put ourselves with Jesus in the desert, to learn, grow, listen, and to gain strength and knowledge for the next thing God calls us too. It seems kind of like school to me. In life, we are never ever going to stop learning, but we do have a certain number of years set apart specifically for the learning process - which then becomes a foundation for the rest of our lifetime of knowledge. Lent is like our spiritual school, where God teaches us about who He is and all He has done for us, and why that matters. Then armed with our new understanding of the Ultimate Sacrifice, we can go out into the world and use it to learn about and understand everything else.
I have been praying for a few days now about what to hand over to God for Lent. For me personally, this year, I am not feeling called to give anything up unless I am replacing it with something better. I think my goal as a Catholic, as a woman of God, and as a living breathing human being is to be aware. I want to be aware that God is working, that He is alive and well in the world, but that He also died, and that death was for me and will not be in vain unless I make it that way by dismissing its power. I'm not really sure, however, how I am going to do this. Fervent prayer and picking one Bible verse to apply to my day each new day is what I am going to try!
So today's verse (since I have already brought up the chapter) will be an awareness of God's infinite wisdom and plan, and the fact that it is not our job to figure it out:
"He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end." Ecclesiastes 3:11
Amen!
Here's why Lent is amazing: Every single day of the year, we should hear and respond to God's call to be closer to Him, but during Lent, we are called to take on His sacrifice in a more personal and devout way. God says there is a time for everything (It's in Ecclesiastes 3, which is also the same place we find "All came from dust and to dust it shall return") and Lent is the time to put ourselves with Jesus in the desert, to learn, grow, listen, and to gain strength and knowledge for the next thing God calls us too. It seems kind of like school to me. In life, we are never ever going to stop learning, but we do have a certain number of years set apart specifically for the learning process - which then becomes a foundation for the rest of our lifetime of knowledge. Lent is like our spiritual school, where God teaches us about who He is and all He has done for us, and why that matters. Then armed with our new understanding of the Ultimate Sacrifice, we can go out into the world and use it to learn about and understand everything else.
I have been praying for a few days now about what to hand over to God for Lent. For me personally, this year, I am not feeling called to give anything up unless I am replacing it with something better. I think my goal as a Catholic, as a woman of God, and as a living breathing human being is to be aware. I want to be aware that God is working, that He is alive and well in the world, but that He also died, and that death was for me and will not be in vain unless I make it that way by dismissing its power. I'm not really sure, however, how I am going to do this. Fervent prayer and picking one Bible verse to apply to my day each new day is what I am going to try!
So today's verse (since I have already brought up the chapter) will be an awareness of God's infinite wisdom and plan, and the fact that it is not our job to figure it out:
"He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end." Ecclesiastes 3:11
Amen!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Just Passing the Time
It was unseasonably warm today, beings that it is January and 60 degrees. Lily and I enjoyed the sunshine and cool breeze by taking a rather long walk around the town, going around campus and looping in and out of neighborhoods with pretty houses and cute families. We passed lots of people sitting on their porches, children playing in their yards, and dogs on leads loving being able to lay in the sun or see all of the people strolling by.
While we walked, we passed the neatest thing I have seen on an adventure in a while - an old mantle clock. It was spray-painted gold with elaborate decorations, leaning against the trunk of a huge tree and for a minute, I felt like Scout and Jem Finch being given a secret gift by Boo Radley. There was nothing drastically profound in this find, save the delighted lover of words and life within me that found the simple pleasure in the irony of "passing the time" while passing the time. We stood for a few minutes just to decide whether or not to take the clock home, but decided to leave it right where it was. It had made a home nestled into the earth, stuck at four twenty-eight. I guess maybe you could stretch it and say there was a message of awareness tucked into that quaint little timepiece - our days will each be the same amount of time, so be cautious of the hours and how you want to spend them. Or something like, "Be sure to love passing the time, and not let the time pass you by instead."
"Be sure to stop and smell the roses - and check the rose-bed for old treasures!"
Or maybe it's just a nice story about a sunny Monday afternoon.
God bless this week!
While we walked, we passed the neatest thing I have seen on an adventure in a while - an old mantle clock. It was spray-painted gold with elaborate decorations, leaning against the trunk of a huge tree and for a minute, I felt like Scout and Jem Finch being given a secret gift by Boo Radley. There was nothing drastically profound in this find, save the delighted lover of words and life within me that found the simple pleasure in the irony of "passing the time" while passing the time. We stood for a few minutes just to decide whether or not to take the clock home, but decided to leave it right where it was. It had made a home nestled into the earth, stuck at four twenty-eight. I guess maybe you could stretch it and say there was a message of awareness tucked into that quaint little timepiece - our days will each be the same amount of time, so be cautious of the hours and how you want to spend them. Or something like, "Be sure to love passing the time, and not let the time pass you by instead."
"Be sure to stop and smell the roses - and check the rose-bed for old treasures!"
Or maybe it's just a nice story about a sunny Monday afternoon.
God bless this week!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
A No Drama 2012
I think that the New Year as a whole kind of dupes us. It is at the tail end of Christmas time, and not so far away from Thanksgiving as to separate it from the same holiday season. So the holidays are full of merriment, good food, family time, and most importantly, more free time. People get time off work, they spend hours on a plane or in a car where they can read or knit or do something they enjoy, they get a chance to sit back and watch a sports game. So after all of that hype, we get to December 31st and we think, "Of course I've got the time to ... pray more/eat less/hit the gym three times a week!" But now it is 14 days into the new year. We are back to school and work. Things need to be done and paid and finished.
On New Year's Day, I went to mass (It was a Sunday and it was the first day of the new year, how serendipitous!). I was visiting a friend out of town so it was in a church I was not familiar with presided by a priest I did not know, but it was one of the most inspirational sermons that I have ever heard. The priest, Fr. Patrick, challenged us to live a 2012 free of drama. I wanted to let him know that this idea was nice, but easier said than done. Our society loves drama. Last night Lily and I had some friends over, and her boyfriend told all of us about this commercial he saw for the TV show "The Bachelor" and it was just a seven second clip of a girl crying. All of the girls in the room agreed that the clip was a great way to get an audience because we were wondering: why was she crying, who made her cry, did she lose the game of love? I have often wondered why there aren't any television reality shows about Christians, and I think it's because when you trust the true love of God in your life, it's really hard to lose your cool or get melodramatic about things, because with trusting God comes the awesome peace of knowing that He will provide for you. But that is not the case in mainstream society, because it thrives on drama.
Anyone who has ever been involved with a play or production of any type involving the dramatics knows that drama and attention go hand-in-hand. The world would be a different place if we recognized a plea for love and attention and responded in-turn with love instead of a cat fight, gossip, or anything else you could see on daytime TV.
When I woke up this morning, I had an idea for what I wanted this "No Drama" message to be about. But then I signed online and saw this story about a girl in a public school who wanted a banner of prayer to be taken down, and the follow-up story listing many, many comments from disgruntled people, labeled as Christians, who were saying awful things to and about her and using horrendously vulgar language to make their points known. They were representing God by condemning this young girl and suggesting horrible things to her. It's no secret that there is a chasm between church and state which at many times causes a chasm between citizens, but we have to remember that we are human and we are all doing the best we can. The way to stand up for our religion or our faith is by showing people what it's about - love. I fear for myself and for my brothers and sisters in faith (who we are called to keep accountable) that we get caught up in the dramatics and forget what we're "fighting" for.
I want to issue the same challenge to you that Fr. Patrick issued to me; the challenge that I remind myself of every day, and a challenge that I think God calls us to in prayer: Live a No-Drama 2012. Love above all else, and if you are going to call yourself a Christian, act like Christ. Don't get me wrong, I definitely think it's really important to know what and who we are up against, but whenever we need to, let's take a serious look at our savior Jesus on the cross, freeing us from our sins, and remind ourselves that real love can truly conquer all.
I recommend all of the first book of Peter, chapter 4 to help guide you in this goal, but especially this verse:
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
On New Year's Day, I went to mass (It was a Sunday and it was the first day of the new year, how serendipitous!). I was visiting a friend out of town so it was in a church I was not familiar with presided by a priest I did not know, but it was one of the most inspirational sermons that I have ever heard. The priest, Fr. Patrick, challenged us to live a 2012 free of drama. I wanted to let him know that this idea was nice, but easier said than done. Our society loves drama. Last night Lily and I had some friends over, and her boyfriend told all of us about this commercial he saw for the TV show "The Bachelor" and it was just a seven second clip of a girl crying. All of the girls in the room agreed that the clip was a great way to get an audience because we were wondering: why was she crying, who made her cry, did she lose the game of love? I have often wondered why there aren't any television reality shows about Christians, and I think it's because when you trust the true love of God in your life, it's really hard to lose your cool or get melodramatic about things, because with trusting God comes the awesome peace of knowing that He will provide for you. But that is not the case in mainstream society, because it thrives on drama.
Anyone who has ever been involved with a play or production of any type involving the dramatics knows that drama and attention go hand-in-hand. The world would be a different place if we recognized a plea for love and attention and responded in-turn with love instead of a cat fight, gossip, or anything else you could see on daytime TV.
When I woke up this morning, I had an idea for what I wanted this "No Drama" message to be about. But then I signed online and saw this story about a girl in a public school who wanted a banner of prayer to be taken down, and the follow-up story listing many, many comments from disgruntled people, labeled as Christians, who were saying awful things to and about her and using horrendously vulgar language to make their points known. They were representing God by condemning this young girl and suggesting horrible things to her. It's no secret that there is a chasm between church and state which at many times causes a chasm between citizens, but we have to remember that we are human and we are all doing the best we can. The way to stand up for our religion or our faith is by showing people what it's about - love. I fear for myself and for my brothers and sisters in faith (who we are called to keep accountable) that we get caught up in the dramatics and forget what we're "fighting" for.
I want to issue the same challenge to you that Fr. Patrick issued to me; the challenge that I remind myself of every day, and a challenge that I think God calls us to in prayer: Live a No-Drama 2012. Love above all else, and if you are going to call yourself a Christian, act like Christ. Don't get me wrong, I definitely think it's really important to know what and who we are up against, but whenever we need to, let's take a serious look at our savior Jesus on the cross, freeing us from our sins, and remind ourselves that real love can truly conquer all.
I recommend all of the first book of Peter, chapter 4 to help guide you in this goal, but especially this verse:
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Friday, January 13, 2012
The Here & Now
I have fallen into that all-too-familiar trap again of trying to read God's mind. There are things that I want, things that I think need, and I find myself wondering why God doesn't think I need them too, or if He does, why isn't He giving them to me yet? At evening mass on Wednesday, we discussed during the homily being ready for what God has in store and being willing to answer His call. But we also talked about being where we are, when we are and not living in the past or the future. The priest said, "Our God is a God of the living; of the now." Just because He always was and always will be, doesn't really mean the same applies to us. Our call is to live and love exactly where it is that He has put us. It's an inspirational, though oftentimes daunting, thought when we realize that not only did God design us with a purpose in mind, but also a time. There are things He wants of all of us that wouldn't be possible one hundred years into the past or one million years into the future.
I can identify with and accept half of this "here & now" idea. I completely understand the not dwelling in the past, because there is no changing it, so that is easy for me to grasp. It shapes us and then it is finished. But trying not to focus on the future? That's definitely new to me and I am not sure how I feel about it yet, but I'm pretty sure I don't like it. First off, I am in college and every day here is another day closer to a world I have never been in before. A hefty majority of what I think about is the future; my next step is not guaranteed. No one's next step is, but here I am at the verge of the "real world" and I have no clue where it will take me. Even more than that, the future is this blank canvas; it isn't tainted or decorated yet and it is at my very fingertips. Why wouldn't I want to think and pray about the possibility that lies there? Try as I may have in the days since that homily to be very in the present, I still find my mind drifting to those prayers of things I would love to have or do in the future.
At work today, I had to make some campus deliveries, which is mostly just a lot of walking around campus in the 10 degree weather. All that time with myself, without iPod or cell phone, makes me think (sometimes more than I should). I was thinking and praying, nearly pleading with God to reveal Himself or His plan to me. I walked into the science building to make a delivery and I was totally lost. I have not spent a lot of time in the building, but that which I have has been spent in the basement, where the labs are, and the first floor, where the lecture halls are. The top floor, full of the offices, is somewhere I had never before ventured. I was disappointed to find that, despite the clean layout of the basement and first floor, the second floor was a labyrinth of hidden classrooms and offices, twisting every which way with a room number pattern that I could not follow at all.
Between classes, building are pretty much devoid of any students, save those who are students who are absorbed in their studies, so I was alone in my quest. But all of a sudden, my chemistry professor from last semester appeared and showed me the way. It was such a small act of convenient kindness for him - he was passing by anyway and we were able to catch up about the new semester for a brief moment. But in my state of prayer, I understood it to be more than that. For me it was a moment of God saying, "Look. I will get you exactly where you need to go, exactly when you need to be there, in ways you may or may not expect. So trust me, because I know that I am doing."
I know myself, and come next month or next week, or even tomorrow, I will get restless again and think about the future and where I get to go next. But for today, and today is all I can promise, I will let guide God me through until tomorrow.
I can identify with and accept half of this "here & now" idea. I completely understand the not dwelling in the past, because there is no changing it, so that is easy for me to grasp. It shapes us and then it is finished. But trying not to focus on the future? That's definitely new to me and I am not sure how I feel about it yet, but I'm pretty sure I don't like it. First off, I am in college and every day here is another day closer to a world I have never been in before. A hefty majority of what I think about is the future; my next step is not guaranteed. No one's next step is, but here I am at the verge of the "real world" and I have no clue where it will take me. Even more than that, the future is this blank canvas; it isn't tainted or decorated yet and it is at my very fingertips. Why wouldn't I want to think and pray about the possibility that lies there? Try as I may have in the days since that homily to be very in the present, I still find my mind drifting to those prayers of things I would love to have or do in the future.
At work today, I had to make some campus deliveries, which is mostly just a lot of walking around campus in the 10 degree weather. All that time with myself, without iPod or cell phone, makes me think (sometimes more than I should). I was thinking and praying, nearly pleading with God to reveal Himself or His plan to me. I walked into the science building to make a delivery and I was totally lost. I have not spent a lot of time in the building, but that which I have has been spent in the basement, where the labs are, and the first floor, where the lecture halls are. The top floor, full of the offices, is somewhere I had never before ventured. I was disappointed to find that, despite the clean layout of the basement and first floor, the second floor was a labyrinth of hidden classrooms and offices, twisting every which way with a room number pattern that I could not follow at all.
Between classes, building are pretty much devoid of any students, save those who are students who are absorbed in their studies, so I was alone in my quest. But all of a sudden, my chemistry professor from last semester appeared and showed me the way. It was such a small act of convenient kindness for him - he was passing by anyway and we were able to catch up about the new semester for a brief moment. But in my state of prayer, I understood it to be more than that. For me it was a moment of God saying, "Look. I will get you exactly where you need to go, exactly when you need to be there, in ways you may or may not expect. So trust me, because I know that I am doing."
I know myself, and come next month or next week, or even tomorrow, I will get restless again and think about the future and where I get to go next. But for today, and today is all I can promise, I will let guide God me through until tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)