Last weekend at mass, the reading was the story of Jesus coming into the upper room, where the disciples are hiding, to give them peace. (John 20:19-23, for reference's sake). My immediate thought, and the one I have been mulling over ever since is what is my Upper Room? What walls in my heart, or in my life, really, am I hiding behind? As far as the disciples knew, they were safe hiding there - no one knew they were there and no one could get through their locked door. And that's exactly how I feel sometimes; I have this feeling or this pain that I keep to myself and I think, 'No one can see this. I can definitely lock this away and no one will even know it's here.' I think for me, it is my fear. I am afraid a lot of the time of a lot of different things, but I make an effort to lock that door and keep anyone, and any peace, out. So there were two conclusions I came to, thinking about this so much: 1) That I do hide things; sometimes without realizing it. I keep myself busy from task to task and doing all of the things I think God wants of me, that I so often forget that there are things in the depths of my heart that need to be cared for. Which brings me to conclusion number 2, the more wonderful of the two: That God can defeat any obstacles I have (it says so, John 16:33), and He can and will bring peace into my heart, even in the deepest rooms where I hide things like my fear.
This idea isn't much yet, I am just sharing some musings 'aloud'. It's just a work in progress - much like we are.
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