Awake

Good morning! On this absolutely beautiful Monday morning, the only word that is resounding in my  mind is the word "Awake".  I won't say that lately I have felt like I have been walking through life almost asleep, but I have definitely not been awake as I could have been.  I have been physically sleepy but also just pretty apathetic.  It probably has something to do with homesickness and dreary weather, but whatever the reason, that is how I have been acting. The question most often on my mind has been, "Does God really want me to be happy? Am I supposed to just barely make it through this life to get to Him? And why did He put us away from Him on this Earth just to get back up there with Him when we could have just all stayed there in the first place?"  This past weekend, I took a trip for a change of scenery.  I went home to Von's hometown, but on the way, stopped at my own home and saw my family.  The whole weekend was incredible.  Spring is in full swing now, and everything where Von lives is fresh and new.  The trees were fantastically beautiful, the grass was lush and green, there was a storm and the next day the earth was vibrant with flowers. I was thrilled to have seen my family, if only for a bit, and happy to just spend the weekend doing nothing but enjoying the weather and friendship. I felt totally whole all weekend and I prayed a lot. It was like a retreat just for me where I got to step back and say to myself, "God really does want me to be happy." And I am.  I don't know the answers to my other questions, and I am sure that I will have more, but in this moment,  I am so grateful for the sunshine, for the cool breeze, for all of God's wondrous blessings, and finally being woken up to see all of it.