Hope

Yesterday at mass, I had this really neat moment listening to the readings, which I will admit that I was barely listening to anyway, but the part that I caught said, "Hope will not disappoint."  I have been feeling hopeless lately.   Not hopeless in the way that you may think.  I have not given up, but I feel hopeless in a sense of understanding and accepting that things will happen as they happen, and what I hope for will not likely change what God already has in store.  Hoping is so uncertain and the possibility of getting let down is so strong that this feeling of having hope is so much more daunting that people give it credit for.  This has been a really recent development in my heart, taking root in and branching forth from my vice of envy.  I do not want to hope for the same thing that someone else is hoping for, because only one of us can "win" in the end, and if it is not me, I will be upset with myself and probably with God for a while.  So to nip the problem in the bud, I just stopped hoping and told myself that I was trusting God's Plan.  His response was in this reading, saying, "Hope will not disappoint" and that is something that I really will trust. I suppose the most logical answer to this at this point is to hope for happiness, or to hope for assurance. To hope for things that God will always provide.  God would never deny us love, even if He denied us the answer to one of our daily prayers, because love is something we all need all the time.  Meaning, if we hope for the things that we need, we will truly not be disappointed.

Relax

Usually, the weekend is the perfect time to play catch-up on all of the things we did not have time to do during the week. I do not think I can name one person I know that does not use the weekend for that.  In the past month, a challenge has been issued to me, and now I am issuing it to anyone that wants to think about taking it.  Get everything you need to get finished on Saturday.  Don't stress out, just stay focused. Then take Sunday off.  If God rested on Sunday after creating the entire universe, who are we to say our work is more important and we can't take a break! We know we earned it.  If we spend all day on Sunday resting and spending time with ourselves and our families or friends, we can recharge for the next week.  I read a book last summer that said that Americans don't know how to relax, which struck me as pretty comical.  It said something to the effect of turning the TV on and laying down in front of it to zone out does not count as relaxing, but that we must sit and enjoy just sitting, or do whatever we want and just enjoy it.  Or something like that. Spend your whole Sunday gathering up peace and serenity so that you can use it for the remainder of the week to calm down when necessary.  I have only tried this for two Sundays and it has worked pretty well thus far, so I am going to try it again today and see how it works out! Happy Weekend!

Music

Tonight I am watching the movie Music and Lyrics which is one of my favorite romantic comedies.  One of the best lines talks about the melody and the lyrics of a song and how they are each good individual parts, but together is what makes the music and the magic.  There is no deep revelation about this beyond how amazing music is.  It is just nice to sit and think about it sometimes.  Music is an expression of the human heart and soul beyond what we can say with just words.  We are all tied to music in some way; memories, emotions, or the need to dance.  Even babies that cannot even articulate thoughts dance to music! It can exceed the barriers of language, culture, age.  When I think of blessings, I tend to think about clean water or a warm bed to sleep in at night, but I somehow forget simple things like music.  God gave us this amazing gift to be able to express the inexpressible in at least some way.  It sort of makes me think of God's unconditional love in that way.  We can be overwhelmed by it on a daily basis without being able to explain what exactly it is or what it is about it that makes us feel such a deep connection to it.  It is just such an incredible form of personal communication. Song of the day: "Bedside Manner" by Jeremy Larson. Just beautiful!

Faith

I have always prided myself on having a very simple and strong faith.  I trust God to take care of everything for me, from little things to big things, to the point where I almost don't worry about anything.  But today, God proved me wrong. This week, I thought that I had failed a final exam and therefore a class, and I pronounced myself a failure.  I went to the chapel truly wondering how God could possibly fix this mess I had made.  I emailed my professor and asked for a conference so he could tell me how I could possibly have been so mistaken in thinking I understood the course material.  His reply was that he had misplaced my exam, and not graded it which resulted in failing grade for the course.  When he went to find my paper to discuss it with me, he saw that it was  not graded and when he corrected the problem, I fixed the class.  It was an incredible relief, as well as a reminder to not doubt all of the ways God can and does work daily.

Wisdom

A few weeks ago, I heard someone talking about the difference between wisdom and intelligence.  They said, and I agreed, that being intelligent does not always mean you are wise, and vice-versa.  That wisdom has no age or education, it is just a gift.  I truly believe that my younger sister has the gift of wisdom.  She has an uncanny ability to see things that no one else ever sees and point it out.  She is constantly keeping me in check with things that really matter in life. I would like to think that as her older sister, I would guide her, but most often, she ends up taking care of me.  Last night, I called her and confessed that I feel like a failure as everything.  After making me tell her all the things I thought I was good at and then making her own list, she said, "Erin, failing at one aspect of your life does not make you a failure.  You weren't going to win any awards this year; none of us are good at everything.  We are just human."  If we don't have rainy days, we can't understand how amazing the sunny ones are, so for the day, I am going to try and embrace being a human in the rain and praise God for the sun.

Joy

Springtime came in full force today! We enjoyed sunshine and 75 degree temperatures.  The world was just joyful.  The quad was full of students playing, laughing, singing, talking, sleeping, reading.  Von and Claire and I sat in the sun and Von taught me how to play a song on Claire's ukulele. I have never tried to play a musical instrument in my life, and it was not only really fun but I felt pretty accomplished!  It was also a really relaxing thing for me.  The scene looked something like this: Von playing his uke, me playing Claire's, Claire and Von both singing, the sun shining, the grass dancing, the wind blowing our hair around our faces. Claire turned to me and said, "Do you ever have those moments where you think, 'I just want to remember this moment forever'?"  I do, and I think we can all say we have had those types of moments where everything is so perfect that we want to preserve it and go back there every time we wonder about anything in life.  Today was this wonderful reminder to embrace those moments when they happen and strive to make every moment that joyful.  I guess I kind of see it this way: what we do lasts for the moment that we do it, but the feeling or lesson that we take from it can last our entire lives if we let it, so why not try and make all of them ones worth remembering?  Just food for thought!

Today's post is dedicated to my mom, because she makes it her life promise to try and live joy out each day and I admire her truly for that.

Humility

This morning was our campus-wide service project.  People from almost every organization on campus gather and we go all over our city to work with people in our community.  Our group was assigned a woman named Bea who needed some yard work done for her.  When we arrived, we had no idea what to expect but what we found was probably something we could not have imagined.  Bea suffers from a rare form of cancer, her daughter lives with her in a specially designed house the size of a shed because her allergies are so awful she cannot leave the house very often, and her grandson lives with her as well because he has back problems and cannot support himself.  Her house, which is on the edge of the woods, has gone through a lot the past few years, including getting struck by lighting and the water-main breaking.  Because she lives at the wood's edge, the amount leaves in her yard is out of this world.  We raked her yard for her, and it took three hours.  Bea told us of a lot of her struggles, but did not stop smiling the whole time that we were there.  She was not preaching to us, nor was she trying to get our sympathy; she was just interested in sharing her life story.  What was most incredible about her was at the end of the day, she could not stop thanking us for what we had done.  She said, "Have you ever seen a mother holding her child's hand? When she walks too quickly and the kid can't seem to catch his own feet? That's where we were but you got us up on our feet now and we can do something from here."  It is one of the most difficult things for me to admit that I need other people, let alone allow other people to help me, and I was amazed by Bea's humility.  Her attitude towards life was overwhelming and inspiring.  The way that she accepted our help and not only was not embarrassed in the least about asking for help, but really embracing letting us love her with our good will.  Something that is really important to stay conscious of is that a huge part of love is letting ourselves be loved. Love and be loved.

Laughter

The word of the day yesterday was laughter, because yesterday was filled to the brim with it.  In my grammars class, we were learning parts of speech in a sentence, and one of the things we discussed was that whether an action is voluntary or not determines the part of speech it is.  The example was laughter, because beyond a pity laugh, laughter is totally involuntary.  I think it is the soul's way of trying to leap out of us because of all the joy.  The most beautiful thing about laughter to me is that it is so human.  Everyone laughs, and everyone knows what it is like to let out a really good belly laugh.  It is such a pure form of expression.  There is no denying yourself while you are laughing.  It is something we cannot control, sometimes even we don't feel that chuckle coming, but in that moment while you are snorting, wheezing, throwing your head back, squeaking, or however it is you laugh, you are completely you and, even if just for the moment, completely loving it.

Beginnings

There is a Switchfoot song that I really love called "Always."  The lyrics that I love most are, "This is the start, this is your heart." I think that there is something really profound in that. Everything needs to start with our hearts.  My father always says that the most important factor in any decision is to do what your heart tells you. Another line from the song that really takes my breath away is, "Every breath is a second chance, and it is always yours."  What an amazing concept.  There is so much packed into it; love, forgiveness, life, and beginnings.  New beginnings are something that really interest people.  Think about it, if we were not so interested in starting over, new year's resolutions wouldn't be such a big deal and new advances, new technology, new diets or any new product that works "even better than the last" would not be so prominent in society.  Don't get me wrong though, I think that it is really awesome to be so into second chances. It says something really wonderful and ambitious about a people that are constantly striving to be better.  I wonder if it really could be as easy as each day being a new beginning; the beginning of a new habit. If we took each day just as it came, for just what it is, I think that these new beginnings would be something we could embrace and find real joy and freedom in.  The freedom of being able to start new, or the freedom of being able to try something new each day with the confidence that if it does not work, we can always start again. Where to begin? Well, Switchfoot says it best; "This is the start, this is your heart."

Simplicity

My friend Von will be showing up a lot here. He is one of my closest friends, and I learn so much from him.  Lately, the best lesson I have learned from him is the lesson of simplicity.  I have always thought that the little things in life are the most important, but he brings a whole new outlook to it.  It is not just an act of appreciating the little things, but not sweating the big things.  Things that have already happened, like fights already fought, won or lost, tests failed, meetings missed, speeding tickets.  That in the grand scheme of life, these things don't matter too much.  Certainly, they can, but mostly, I have learned that life would not be life if we did not mess up every once in a while, but we cannot let our mistakes define who we are, or who we will be.  Taking each day as it comes is the best way to live simply.  Today when I woke up, I decided my goals for the day were to do the best I could in class, enjoy the sunshine, and be thankful for everything.  It as a simple list of simple tasks, and now I can successfully check all of those off.  Tomorrow I will make another list, with new goals, but I will not worry about that until I wake up. There are lots of ideas out there about how to live a simpler life, but the idea of exploring simplicity in a deeper sense seems a little counter-productive to me, so I will end this post here, with the promise of further exploration of other ideas later!

Patience

Winters in my city are cold.  I’m not talking chilly, or even just cold, really.  It is bitter and piercing, and windy.  Last month we had a blizzard and the entire city was shut down and instructed to not leave their homes unless absolutely necessary for the entire day.  We got about 2 feet in some places.  It was up to my thighs.  Our first campus-wide snow days since 1973.  The springtime, though, it perfect.  Every bad feeling that winter brings is washed away when the spring comes because it is so wonderful.  The grass is the purest shade of green, and the skies are all blue all the time.  The sun shines so much and bird songs carry on the breezes.  It sounds like a children’s storybook or sing-a-long, but that is truly how it is.  Everyone glows with delight in the springtime.

My friend Claire and I were talking the other day about if the spring is really that marvelous, or if maybe it is just more appreciated because we have truly earned it.  It made me wonder how much satisfaction is created out of the waiting time.  If everything was handed to us with no questions asked and no hard work or perseverance, would it really be worth as much? Part of the value of having things is the fact that we worked for it, the uncertainty of whether we would reach our goals or receive our desires, the excitement building while we wait for it.  If everyone had trophies or got love right on the first try, it wouldn’t be something unique or enticing.  It would be just like getting up and brushing your teeth in the morning.  It isn’t something we earn or look forward to; it is just something that happens to everyone.

Patience is one of the most difficult things to deal with, mostly because of the uncertainty it brings.  I am slowly more and more convinced that waiting is worth it, though.  It is still freezing here, but I will keep you posted on how the springtime turns out.