Believe

I love everything about the Christmas season; family time, cookies, giving gifts, snow, being home, and all of the delicious food, but I especially love Christmas movies. No matter how often I watch these movies, I always learn something new every year when they make their way back to the forefront of my viewing list.  This year, the message that struck me from every movie that I watched was: "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing."  Try as society might to separate Christ and Christmas, it just is not possible, because Christmas is all about faith.  It is about believing in something that no one can see or understand and relying on our hearts to believe something far beyond ourselves. The way that we all relate to God and His Presence in the world follows this "Believing is seeing" principle pretty well, I think.  It's all got to do with giving credit where it is due.  By believing in God and all of the blessings He showers me with, I can see that every good thing in my life is a direct gift from Him because of His Love for me.  Once, someone tried to argue my faith with me and said, "Of course you see God in things, you are looking for Him there." But that makes the most sense, doesn't it? Sure, it would be nice to stumble upon money on the side of the road, and I do believe that God works in sporadic, surprising ways, but more often than not, if someone is hoping to get money, they need to be proactive about it - buy a lottery ticket or work an extra shift somewhere. If you are searching for something, open eyes to find it are a necessity.

If you have not seen the movie The Polar Express, I definitely recommend it because it beautifully represents what it means to believe.  There is a scene when Santa Claus is right in front of the young, doubting boy, but because the boy has not owned up to his faith, he cannot actually see Santa; there are too many obstacles. These obstacles work against us, too, because overcome with obstacles only makes it harder to believe there is anything worth working towards, but God is there on the other side, arms wide open.  When we chose to believe in God and all that He has the power to do in our lives, our eyes are opened to His glory and we can see far beyond our obstacles and what our Earthly eyes are capable of seeing.

Have a blessed and merry Christmas!

Compassion

Tonight, I am longing to feel God's Presence.  I connect really well to spiritual music, so I am watching all of these music videos of Christian songs. Almost every single one shows tons of faces of people just like me, who all look like they are searching. Most of these videos incorporate, in some way or another, the messages on the hearts of these people. They reveal their secrets, their struggles, and their crosses.  As I watch these faces on the screen of my computer tonight, I cannot help but wonder how everyone got this idea that everyone around them is so different, or so tough.  It seems to me that for a world that so obviously has so much hurt within it, the problem is so often other people not showing the necessary love.  As in, I look at the face of this girl I have never seen before and do not know personally on a music video that I like.  The words next to her teary-eyed face say: Broken Relationships, and I am moved with compassion for her.  But the person in front of me while I am trying to get to class is walking slow and all I can focus on is how much of an inconvenience that is. Who knows what they are dealing with on their heart, how their day is going, or who they are at all - all they mean to me is the speed at which they are walking in that one moment of my entire life.

We seem to live in a world where unless you wear your heart on your sleeve, you will not get much sympathy; and sadly, even then, compassion may not come.  Something that I try really hard to do all the time is to assume I know nothing about anyone or anything.  To give everyone the benefit of the doubt from the get-go and really live out the Golden Rule of treating others how I would want to be treated, which, when you put a word to that (or two, because I am a word-person) it would be love and compassion.  God doesn't call us to be compassionate to those who are hurting; He calls us to so much more.  I guess what all of these rambling thoughts boil down to is that the amount of care that we are meant to show one another should not vary based on what we can or cannot see - it should solely be based on the fact that God shows us infinite and unconditional compassion, and it is our privilege and call to show that to the people around us.

This song really captures this message, as well as is one of the songs I was talking about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwtcwQwgdsA&feature=related

Courage

I love the word "courage".  It is so rarely used and I wonder if that is because it is a pretty rare virtue.  Right now, I am working on a paper for a class.  The guidelines are relatively lax, so I have decided to write my paper on the emotional benefits of living a chaste life before and after marriage, which includes abstaining from sex outside the bonds of marriage.  I am finding it easy to talk about the Catholic faith and the love that we as humans are called to live out, as well as the respect and dignity we each have just because God made it so.  But as I come closer to the end, my own passion frightens me. Tomorrow we will peer edit and I find myself wondering, "What if someone who doesn't practice chastity reads this paper?" or worse, what if someone thinks me to be judgmental and completely misses the point of the paper - that all life is to be respected, at every stage, in every way.  Then a small voice of courage says in my heart: what if someone needs to hear this? What if by writing about something that I believe in and putting it in God's hands, someone will read something they have never heard before and it will touch their heart in the tiniest way?  Perhaps what this means is that courage is not taking what God has given us and doing what we can with it, but giving back to God what we cannot do alone and standing up right next to Him when the moment comes, instead of cowering behind Him.  I have to think that God could definitely change the world on His own - He did create it, after all - but there must be some unknown reason that He chooses to work through us in the virtues. A reason he calls us to courage.

Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.- Philippians 4:6

Forgiveness

An art form that I have yet to perfect. I have been mulling over it the last few days, trying to figure it out.  Heaviest on my heart is the difference between forgiveness and consent.  In my head, I think that I mix up what it means to forgive someone and what it means to "teach them a lesson".  If I forgive someone a wrong they have done to me, they may not know that it hurt me and they may keep doing it, and for that reason, I am hesitant to release my grudge.  In the past few days, I have been hurt a few different times by a few different people that are close to me.  I have watched my roommate Lily wake up every morning and greet the day with a clean slate.  She holds no grudges and every day is a fresh start, which I really admire.  It is a difficult challenge to forgive through so much hurt, but maybe that it our call; maybe God was not being so figurative when He instructed to forgive 7x77 times in the Bible.  I think my goal for the week is to try and live each day as it is presented and only when it is presented. I pray that I may live directly in the light of this day and not in the shadows of yesterday behind me or the mystery of the darkness in tomorrow, yet to be revealed.

Guidance

Today was the last day of my week of a fantastic spiritual direction retreat.  I was blessed to spend a few hours this week talking and praying with my new friend Sr. Ellen, and she had a lot of wonderfully wise things to say as well as beautiful ears to listen.  We talked and shared about a lot of things and today we talked about being ministers to one another and how, although she was the director, we both got something from meeting one another this week.  I have never sought out spiritual guidance of any kind because I never figured I had any questions so profound or paths so unknown ahead of me, but what I learned this week and what I am meditating on is what "guidance" is.  Here's what I have come up with, roughly: Maybe guidance is not actually leading someone else anywhere.  Maybe guidance is hand-in-hand with companionship and likewise with our call to walk with one another.  I am thinking of those team-building activities when one person has to wear a blindfold and the other holds their hand and helps them around various obstacles and wondering if those games are exactly on the mark.  We are all just blindfolded at one time or another and God flawlessly pairs us with a person who can see to walk with us to where we need to get next, so that we can return the favor to whomever else we led to. Just some rough thoughts before turning in for the night.


My guidance for anyone who is listening:
"Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord." Hebrews 12:14

Friendship

My dad always tells me that if I can find one good and true friend in life, then I am luckier than most people. I do agree with this, but in the same way, I am definitely blessed in this life with really wonderful friends. They remind me daily of God's Love in my life by their sheer presence.   We all lead busy lives and school is hectic for us, but this week we were blessed with some incredible quality time, and it really gave me a delightful reality check.  I am learning more and more what it means to be a true friend to someone else.  Here are some things I have learned:
1. Hearing is not the same thing as listening. Voices don't want to just be heard, they want to be listened to.  When a few of my friends and I hang out, we always try to put everything else away and eliminate distraction so that we can be totally attentive to one another.  Those are the closest friends that I have because through our active listening, we have learned so much about one another and can be a better friend because of it.
2. Positivity is really essential to a healthy relationship.  I am not saying that we shouldn't be sad or vent around our friends, I am saying that just because you are close to someone does not give you the right to make fun of them, put them down, or discount their opinions.  Honesty is really important to friendship but so is tact.
3. Presence is powerful.  More than ever as I am growing up, I am coming across problems that have no immediate solution.  They are the type of things that are the part of God's plan He will reveal in due time, but in the moment of stress and heartache waiting for that moment, it is sometimes really wonderful just to have someone to sit with.  When in doubt, be a presence.  God does not always talk when we sit with Him; in fact, most times, our hearts are so loud, I'll bet He couldn't get a word in edge-wise. But just being, just sitting in His very Presence can calm the most troubled soul.  A better example of being present to the people you love just doesn't exist.
4. Finally, gratitude goes a long way.  It is so important to thank your friends for what they do in your life, but especially to thank God for who He has given you. My friend Von and I used to talk about how sometimes we think that everyone has been assigned a mission for this world and God knows what it is.  Our job is not to figure out the mission but just to live as we know we are called to and every person we meet will learn from us what they need to because God will orchestrate it so. Friends are some of the most influential people we have in our lives, and thank God for that!

John 15:13 There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

Beauty

Today I am having a really good hair day!  Does that mean that today I qualify as beautiful? Or just my hair? What about tomorrow when I want to sleep in and not put the extra effort into fixing it? Will I not be beautiful anymore? Is beauty something that you can attain and then lose?

There are so many facets to beauty: beauty in nature, beauty in poetry, the Beautiful People of Hollywood, real beauty, fake beauty, inner beauty, and outer beauty. But the one I am most drawn to is the beauty of other people. When I was in eighth grade, we went on a retreat for one Saturday all day, and a prayer we learned on that retreat was, "God, help me to see myself through Your eyes, so I can see how wonderful and beautiful I really am."  I prayed that prayer from eighth grade and it did great things for how I saw myself on the outside, so I tweaked it a little, to see if maybe it could help how I was on the inside. I started praying, "God, help me to see other people through Your eyes, too, so I can see their wonder and beauty."  I think that the most influential thing that this prayer showed me was that beauty and worth are so connected, which society has already shown us: the prettiest people get the most attention and stuff.  I think, though, it is completely backwards. What it should be is: the worth that God has created within you is manifested in the beauty of the heart He created for you.  And the most incredible part of this is that, unlike Hollywood "beauty", this worth does not have to be earned, coated on, or achieved: we are all born with it!  Being created in God's image and likeness has filled us with worth, simply pouring over the depths of our souls, and we are all so beautiful because of it.

God's Love and worth are true, but that does not always mean that our human minds can understand it, and because of the beauty before worth mentality, I find that a lot of people (myself included) see themselves as unworthy of things like God's Love or respect from others.  At the very least, we end up viewing beauty on a day-to-day, outfit-to-outfit, mood-to-mood, or sin-to-sin basis.  I have been hoping and praying for words to share with people to tell them, and to reassure myself, that this simply is not true. God's Love and our worth in His eyes and truth are not fleeting, and today my mom sent me a music video that I think sums it up absolutely perfectly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF5CjtrIl_c&feature=related