Solitude

Hello again. Today is the first sunny day in a while; it has been quite the spring as far as storms go. So I am sitting here, back in college-town for a few days, at the window of our Newman Center. One of my traveling companions is at work, the other at a park with her boyfriend. We have been together for 4 days straight now, because as traveling companions (and close friends) we share things like the key to the apartment we are staying in, the food we are eating, and the car we travel in.  Now that they are both away, I am having the first time by myself since Monday.  I like being busy, and I like using every moment of the day from the moment I wake to the one that I fall asleep, so I hardly ever stop to enjoy these moments of solitude.

I remember when I was in high school, my mom suggested at the time that I take a few days for some "soul searching" to figure out what it was that I really wanted and the life choices I really wanted to be making.  At the time, 17 year old me was pretty apathetic to the idea, but did it regardless and I actually did learn things. Now I love spending this time alone because I hardly ever spend time with myself - how many of us actually do? I think there is a huge difference between being alone on the internet, watching TV, or reading and actually spending time with ourselves. I have been talking to a lot of my friends lately that tell me they don't know what they want. I'm not claiming to have the answer to this problem, just suggesting that when I take the time to know myself, it is easy for me personally to see what I really want or like or have a talent for.

Anyway, nothing too earth-shattering here, just meditating on the beauty of solitude!

Home

When I was 5 or 6, I had a computer game featuring the little girl Madeline (blue dress, yellow hat, walked in a line with 11 other girls) and Madeline sang songs according to whatever you clicked on. One of the songs she sang went something like, "Home is where the heart is, the heart is, the heart is....Home is where the heart is, if your heart is there, yes, home!"  It was pretty catchy because years later, I still remember it, and not only that, but it still pops into my head at the most relevant times. When I come back in town for breaks, I say I am going "home" and when I return back to school after a long time away from my friends there, I say I am happy to be "home". Coming back to my house after a long year away at school, I think a lot about home, and what it actually means.  I thought for a really long time that your heart very obviously was with your family in your house, because that is the only constant for a lot of us, but the older I get, the more I understand Madeline's song.

Today, I spent the day with my friend Shannon, whose family is living in an apartment because the tornado made their house uninhabitable.  Even though her physical house is broken, her home is pulling together to fix things. By home, I mean her community of people and love.  I am learning with every passing day that your heart can dwell in many places, most of which aren't even locations, but in the hands and hearts of other people, and that "home" is nearly undefinable. Maybe home is another word for "pillar" or "comfort".  Something stable in the midst of chaos; something that we can always come back to; something intangible that brings us peace.  I know that I have a home in Heaven, a home in the Eucharist, but I also find home in my parish family here and my Newman community away at school.  Of course, my house with my mom and my dad and my younger sister will always be my most stable home on this Earth.  I will leave you with this Bible verse about our hearts, and so, too, our homes, by today's logic, I suppose:

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." - Matthew 6:21